I have tried for years to get hummingbirds to visit my yard and my hummingbird feeder. I even took a wonderful class on hummingbirds. Nothing. Even with my dedication of keeping the nectar fresh last summer, still no hummingbird visits.
I have not seen a hummingbird since my visit to Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado in 1993. I gave up after last summer. Did not even think of putting the feeder out this year. How mysterious life is.
Yesterday, for the very first time in 14 years, and the first time at my home, a hummingbird came to visit while sitting outside. I was awestruck and it made me feel a happiness I forgot I still had inside.
When Larry and I had our talk this morning, I told him I finally figured out what his sign should be to me after he has crossed over. A hummingbird visit. He looked at me and said "thanks for something easy!" Up to yesterday we could not come up with something meaningful. Had the feather drops, the hawk visit, the butterflies and the wasp. We both said it should be something different.
I believe the hummingbird paid me a visit to tell me that it may be my new animal totem from my hubby.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
He sees "the Door"
After spending a lot of time looking around we ordered a new front door 4 months ago. There was a mfg delay and with everything going on I just forgot about it. Rec'd a call and finally the door was installed Friday. The door really looks good. I could not understand why Larry would not get up to look at it. He was the one who had insisted we get one because of the noise the old one made. I knew he felt weak but was very puzzled why he would not give himself the joy of seeing it. The next day he told me, without speaking about our new front door.
Larry is still struggling to talk. Last month it was the hiccups and spasms that kept him from being able to talk. Then if he tried to talk he would vomit. Some days were better than others but talking has been an unexpected issue. Now he is unable to from the 2 GI procedures. I called his Dr and he said it could take up to 2 weeks. Back to back EGD's is very hard on the throat and esophagus. So he does his best with whispering.
It has now been 4 days since the 2nd EGD. For the first time in a month, no vomiting. Larry finally has the relief that he/we so desperately wanted. A big thank you to his new GI Dr.
The vomiting has stopped but it is almost as if his body had endured too much over the last month and is unable to rebound. Larry no longer wants to walk or even climb the stairs to a different floor in the house. He tells me he is just too tired and weak. I tell myself that he just needs some nourishment and more time. He just needs more time. I just need more time.
This morning, Saturday, I awake in tears knowing we need to have "the talk" again. It has been obvious to me these last few days. I realize this is going to be a teary day and just allow it to unfold.
I ask Larry how he is really feeling. He tells me that he feels his body is shutting down. I ask him what that feels like. He tells me that his legs no longer want to move and his entire body feels different. He also tells me that he sees "the door" getting closer. I tell him what I have felt for awhile. That there is something very important for him to do and that is why it is getting closer. We both sob together.
Larry is still struggling to talk. Last month it was the hiccups and spasms that kept him from being able to talk. Then if he tried to talk he would vomit. Some days were better than others but talking has been an unexpected issue. Now he is unable to from the 2 GI procedures. I called his Dr and he said it could take up to 2 weeks. Back to back EGD's is very hard on the throat and esophagus. So he does his best with whispering.
It has now been 4 days since the 2nd EGD. For the first time in a month, no vomiting. Larry finally has the relief that he/we so desperately wanted. A big thank you to his new GI Dr.
The vomiting has stopped but it is almost as if his body had endured too much over the last month and is unable to rebound. Larry no longer wants to walk or even climb the stairs to a different floor in the house. He tells me he is just too tired and weak. I tell myself that he just needs some nourishment and more time. He just needs more time. I just need more time.
This morning, Saturday, I awake in tears knowing we need to have "the talk" again. It has been obvious to me these last few days. I realize this is going to be a teary day and just allow it to unfold.
I ask Larry how he is really feeling. He tells me that he feels his body is shutting down. I ask him what that feels like. He tells me that his legs no longer want to move and his entire body feels different. He also tells me that he sees "the door" getting closer. I tell him what I have felt for awhile. That there is something very important for him to do and that is why it is getting closer. We both sob together.
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