As I see Larry changing I find that my anxiety is increasing. What was simple for me is now becoming harder. To me, it is one of the worst things in life to watch someone you love steadily decline from cancer.
I panicked yesterday. With all of Larry's problems with infections, that was the only thought on my mind. Wanting to prevent another infection from occuring. So to the ER we went. I now know it was not necessary. At the time everything happened, I made a decision and acted the only way I know how.
I have given Larry IV hydrations, IV antibiotics, watched him vomiting for over a month and made it through the awful C.Diff. Why am I having such a difficult time with this stomach tube?
Maybe it was because I was not given directions(other than from a booklet) or because I did not know what was under all the bandages. All I know is that my first attempt at draining his stomach was a complete disaster. I was not prepared for the volume or the geyser flow of liquid that came from that thin tube. I had it all over Larry, all over me and all over my bathroom. They had given me a small pint size container to drain the fluid into. How could they not know that I needed a much larger container for the gallon or more of liquid that came pulsing out? To describe this as one big mess is an understatement. All I could think about was that this gunky brown stuff was all over his incision area and I wanted someone to take care of this NOW. I was scared to remove his soaked bandages. So, we changed clothes and drove to the ER.
They took him in immediately, per my request, since the ER waiting room was filled. Now the nurses in the ER thought the situation was funny. I however did not. Have I lost my sense of humor?
Since he was already there, they decided that he needed another IV hydration and they drew blood. They removed all the bandages and to my surprise there was not an incision, only a large tube that had 2 smaller ones connected to it. They then showed me 2 different ways of draining it and how to clean it. Of course they wanted him to stay the night but Larry refused another night in the hospital.
I still was all fingers today when I drained it and found myself still getting the stomach fluids in areas other than the bucket. I am hoping this will get easier and like everything else will just become something that needs to be done a few times a day. Larry of course says to give myself a break, it has only been 2 days.
Sigh, if it just wasn't that dark brown color.
