Making Memories

Thank you Jo for reminding me to make every day a memory of some kind.

There is now a somewhat calm in all the crisis situations we have had. I find myself wanting to be apart from Larry, even be by myself more. I guess I am in the "get me out of this" mood and find myself escaping via the computer, errands and unnecessary busy tasks around the house. I am sure he is feeling this.

I remember that I felt it when I was recovering. I felt alone and as if he and the kids did not want to be around me. Space can be replenishing or it can be isolating.

His situation is so different since there is an unknown time limitation. So, I will try to find something every day that I can look back on and be able to say "Making Memories".

Food Choices

When you have cancer, red meat is one of the first items removed from your diet. It is amazing how the body craves what it should not have. When Larry got out of the hospital a week ago, one of the first things he wanted was an Italian Beef sandwich. He ate it and lost it all within 30 minutes. I was hoping that would help stop his cravings. I want him to make better food choices and quit asking for what he cannot tolerate.

Five days later, Larry wanted a hamburger on Thursday. I told him I could defrost some bison and make him one. Bison is very low fat but his response was a big NO! All those years of his eating Quarter Pounders at McD is what he really wanted. So I asked him if I could get one from a restaurant that had somewhat quality beef.  It satisfied him and after, he said it was the tastiest hamburger he ever had. He was not well the remainder of of the day. Yet he said that it was still worth eating the hamburger.

It is very hard for him to not be able to eat what he wants. This is his first experience with having to eliminate certain foods. I struggle with all of this. Part of me wants to give him anything he wants to eat. Food is not going to get rid of his cancer. However, seeing him get very sick from what he eats is not pleasant.

I talked to him about how he wants to feel each day. What he has control over and what he doesn't. That talk must have helped.  I did see him yesterday refuse ice cream that Laura had brought. Maybe, he is finally taking control.