Today has been a day of intense grieving. Larry awoke with high anxiety and not being able to process what has occurred and what will happen. He(we) still cannot believe that he has terminal cancer. He has been trying so hard to fight off these infections that his cancer has been put to the side. He is grieving over:
-His fatigue
-His body not giving him a chance with the chemo
-His not being able to complete his summer school classes
-The possibly he is grading his last set of school papers.
-The possibility that his teaching days are done.
-Laura dropping her class again, her depression and not knowing if she can return to school in the fall.
-Larry not able to move forward in his life.
-Our future
I have given him permission to grieve as often as he needs to. He has given me permission to grieve as often as I need to. After a very tough week, we have again found our hugs of togetherness.
It is so very hard for all of us to find the fight, hope and determination of where we were 3 weeks ago. I know that it will come from me when I am able. There have been so many times in the past years that I no longer wanted to be that leader of moving everyone forward. This time I am more tired than ever but still feel that spark inside me. It will again reappear and with my change, hopefully as in the past, the rest of the family will follow.
My heart breaks from reading your words. I can't imagine the difficult journey you are on. Just know that so many people will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer including me.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, dear Melody. My heart aches for you both. I had a wonderful talk with Larry the other night and he sounded so....just Larry! I pray for comfort. I really pray for a cure. I don't know what else to do.... Loving you all
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